Wednesday, September 18, 2019
In these days of seasonal change what’s most interesting to me are dawns and twilights, the times that I’m out feeding horses. These mornings still dawn early and with enough light to show me where to step while going to the barn. The evening light is about the same. The day’s last horse feeding is timed so that, when it’s time to release animals from their stalls, it’s possible to see around without assistance from a headlight.
I’ve nothing against using a headlight, except that carrying one symbolizes real winter, and right now, I’m wishing hard for this pretty fall weather to hang on. It’s cool and damp, and great for weed-pulling, which I do on my way up to the house after leaving the barn.
Often after starting to write, I wonder what’s making me choose and develop my themes. Today, it’s about dawns and twilights. Yesterday, it was about how life evolves and teaches. All these likely are related to thinking about my elderly sister. She seems close to passing away. Well, some days she seems to be failing, but on others, like yesterday, she’s more sharp-minded and ready to challenge my comments. I try to keep them casual and non-confrontational, but my mind keeps replaying the person to whom I’m speaking.
She’s a significant part of my life, this older sister, who guided me toward many of the things that I enjoy, like music, film, and dance, that have helped to define who I am. She also was dramatic, decisive, and unyielding in her opinions, which turned me away once I matured enough to make decisions on my own. My sister wanted to remain possessive while I was finding that talking to others could provide different ways to view information and ideas. Eventually, my big sister and I went our own ways, except for our telephone conversations.
I couldn’t imagine her needing my help, until she did. And oh, how she resisted. These days, I sit with her and remember. I wish I could have been a wiser, better little sister, who could have done both–keep closer to her while finding my own way.
Dear Friends: This season of change also is a time of sadness. Diana